I realise I still haven’t posted much about my CBT, and I do still plan to. Somehow everything seems to be busy all the time at the moment and I haven’t been making time to write, which is a shame because I enjoy writing!
Yesterday I went back to see my therapist, who I haven’t seen since before Christmas (because I started CBT in January and you can’t have two types of therapy at once!) It was really nice to see her and to talk things through. She said I seem to be in a different place and that’s true!
We talked about how things have been and how I have had lots of realisations about myself and the relationship with S in the last 6 months. She said I seem more like an adult, that I am taking responsibility for myself and I’m not waiting for someone else to fix things for me anymore. That was really nice to hear, and I actually agree. I think I’ve grown up more in the last 6 months than the last 6 years!
I’ve learned that I can deal with stuff myself. I’ve learned that sometimes I will feel really low and it will be awful, but I can still get through it. I’ve learned some level of distress tolerance, whereas before I had none – I always ran to S to make me feel better.
I feel much stronger and I’m owning my life now. Nothing changes by itself, no one is going to sweep in and save me. I don’t need saving actually anymore – I can save myself. And I’m building up my confidence bit by bit. Yes, I still have my lows, and I probably always will, but that’s ok because I know it will pass. And I know I have a hell of a lot of great people in my life to support me, but not to save me. I have better coping mechanisms now and I’m actually quite proud of myself. (Wow I never thought I’d feel proud of myself!)
Feeling pretty positive today, especially thinking back on yesterday’s session.
Lots of love,