Since diagnosis in August, I’ve gone through a whole range of emotions about fibromyalgia… disappointment, anger, depression… but today I want to talk about denial.
Let me start by saying this is just how I am feeling and does not reflect the situation anyone else is in. I am not in any way saying that people who (like me) are able to function quite well do not have fibro, but I just wanted to write about my concerns about myself.
I know that I get pain. I know that’s not normal. I know the level of tiredness I experience isn’t normal either.
(And there’s always a but)
I sometimes feel like (and today is one of those days) I am able to do too much for someone with fibromyalgia. I work full time (and have been working over fulltime since April – left my 2nd job yesterday to go ‘down’ to fulltime) and I manage to do a lot of things like being a scout leader and dog walking.
Shouldn’t I be stuck at home if I have fibromyalgia? It can’t be “that bad” if I am able to do these things.
What if it isn’t fibromyalgia and I’m just making a big fuss.
Everyone else I have come across with fibro has it much worse than me, so what if mine isn’t real?
I know I have a diagnosis now but today I feel like it’s not valid.
Tomorrow I have a hospital appointment with the pain and fatigue CBT team, I am interested to see how that goes.
Feeling a bit funny at the moment. I think part of me wants the diagnosis to be wrong, and part of me just doesn’t feel like my experience is valid enough for the diagnosis… maybe I’m just in denial?