A spark of motivation 

Working in the field of mental health, I spend 5 days a week trying to support clients with their mental health and suggesting goals – try mindfulness or write down three positive things everyday or make time for self care. I often find myself coming out with gems such as “you can’t pour from an empty cup” and “you are always focused on others, but what do YOU want?” 

Hypocrite. 

Yep, I am a massive hypocrite. 

But no more. I am going to try and take my own advice. I am going to try and be more positive, make time for self care, be selfish sometimes. 

Now I am not going to sit here and pretend that a bit of mindfulness here or goal setting there is going to cure anyone because that would be bullshit. You know that, I know that. But it’s about doing things that help, even a little bit. It’s about building confidence, helping someone develop their identity – things they do or don’t like, enabling people to get that sense of achievement when they meet a goal. It’s about small steps and sitting with that person and really listening (because so often people don’t listen) So now it’s time to support myself.  I’m going to work on being the best I can be, and to help myself be a little bit happier again. 

One of my lovely blogger friends is doing 100 happy days at the moment, I tried it once before and didn’t manage it all, but I’ve been inspired by my blogging friend so I’m going to try again but in my journal this time, a little more manageable. I’m on Day 3 so far, I am managing and I won’t worry if I don’t manage all 100 days in a row!

 I have started my mindfulness again lately (I did 25 days in a row but went away for the weekend and lost my streak – but I started it up again today). I have a bullet journal, I find it very therapeutic but for some reason I stopped*, I will get that going again. 

A little bit of motivation has surfaced today! 

I am going to do some blog posts on the things that help me such as mindfulness and bullet journaling. What helps you? Is there anything you would like me to write about? 

Love,

Ellie xx

*When I start feeling unwell I stop all of the things that actually helped before. It’s counterproductive but the motivation goes and before you know it, all the good things have been left behind and you’re wallowing even more! 

A positive thought 

Amongst all the terrible things that are going on lately, and the depression I am experiencing right now, there are still good people, glimmers of hope… 

While I was driving home today I saw two ladies, one elderly and one much younger (maybe her daughter?) walking in the pouring rain. The older lady was pushing a walker to keep her balance. The younger lady held an umbrella over the older lady to keep her dry as they walked. Not over both of them, just over the older lady. The younger lady was drenched but didn’t seem to mind, focused on keeping the older lady dry. 

‘That’s love’ I thought, as I saw this moment, I smiled as I drove on. Little things like this give me hope. There are still some good people, there are still things to smile about. 

Just thought I’d share some positivity!

Love 

Ellie xx

A positive post!

This is going to be a list of positive “mantras”, quotes and phrases:

A great quote from "A Cinderella Story"

A great quote from “A Cinderella Story”

I can do this.

I can and I will.

Doing my best is enough.

Keep calm and carry on.

This too shall pass.

I will accept the things I cannot change.

Be the best version of you.

Everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

When everything feels like an uphill struggle, think of the view from the top!

I am who I am.

Never give up.

winniethepoohquote

If anyone has any more to add, please let me know and I’ll add them to the list, with credit to you of course!

I hope you enjoy this list and can draw some positivity and motivation from it 🙂 (and if you fancy some more happy things, I’ve updated by Instant Happiness page!)

It’s sunny!

It’s sunny in Lancaster*, and it’s sunny in my mind**. Today there is hope.

I’m not saying I magically feel better, or even that I do feel dramatically better, but today I feel like there is hope for the future.

There is hope because I have started my CBT. There is hope because I’m trying a new medication. There is hope because at the end of the month I will see the psychiatrist. And there is hope because for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to something.

Last night I booked some flights to Germany for during the Easter holidays. I will be going to stay with Sheep who is doing her year abroad this year! I am excited to visit the place where she is so happy, to see the sights of a part of Germany I haven’t been to before, and to spend time with one of my best friends on holiday!

Let’s hope this enthusiasm stays!

There is hope. We will all get through this!

*If you’ve ever been to Lancaster, you’ll know how unusual this is!

**And if you know me, you’ll know how unusual this is too!

The day I felt beautiful

There was a day when I felt beautiful. As far as I can remember, this is the only day I have felt beautiful, but that’s still better than no days!

My best friend Artist had won a competition on Facebook to have a makeover and photo-shoot  for her and a friend, and she asked me.

(Now, if you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that something like that would result in Ellie’s brain shouting “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” as loudly as possible, and running away from this situation, however this time I decided “I’ll give it a try!” I didn’t want to let Artist down and I thought it was lovely that out of all the people she could’ve asked, she asked me!)

So anyway, we went on the Tube up to central London to go to our photo-shoot day. We had to take a few outfits with us so we could get changed between photos. So we arrived with our bags of clothes, shoes and accessories, and we went in.

I remember as we buzzed the door of the studio, we were both really nervous! (Especially me!)

So we went in, and they asked us what kind of thing we wanted make-up-wise and for the photo-shoot in general, and they started doing our hair and make up.

Once they finished the hair and make-up I couldn’t believe how different I looked! I usually look a lot younger than my actual age, but I finally looked (at least) my age! Artist and I were both really pleased with how our hair and make-up turned out! We are both quite small, and both look pretty young usually… it was a bit of a shock really!

So then it was time for the actual photos!! This was the scary bit!

Bare in mind that I am quite shy/nervous at the best of times, throw in depression, anxiety and low self – esteem, and you might be able to imagine how this is not a situation that Ellie likes to put herself in!

So the photographer told us how to pose, and took lots and lots of photos: different poses, different outfits, some with Artist and I, some just of Artist, and some just of me!** The photographer was lovely, and after a few minutes we both got into the swing of things, and having our photos taken was no longer a daunting and terrifying experience, but instead was a fun experience!

But the best was yet to come… After a while, they called us in to see our photos and I was completely AMAZED! As I saw the photos pop up on the screen, I initially didn’t even recognise myself! We spent ages going through all of the photos, and eventually narrowed it down to a few each, which we did pay extortionate amounts of money for!***

So that was the day I felt beautiful. It’s a shame really that the world is so shallow, but that one day of looking so different, and coming out with such lovely pictures really was great for me! It gave me a chance to feel good about myself for once, and definitely increased my confidence!

The point of this post is that I know a lot of women have self – esteem issues, and lack confidence, but I really think a photo-shoot is a great opportunity to see yourself in a different way, and build up your confidence!! In fact, I know a lot of people in general (men included) have these issues, and this could easily work for men too!

I was reminded of this earlier today, as I have currently put one of my photo-shoot photos as my profile picture on Facebook. For Artist and I, it was a great day that holds happy memories for the two of us. It was great to spend the day together, as we had lots of time to chat, and we got to have some photos done together which were my favourite.

I wish I could feel that good about myself everyday but I can’t. But every time I see the photos, I feel like actually – I can look good! It takes a lot of work (and a bit of Photoshop  but it is possible. The pictures represent a really happy, lovely day for me, and despite the price… It was well worth it!!

*I am aware this sounds like some kind of scam… we were wary but did some research before we went!

**Imagine that!! Having the guts to have photos taken of just me… out of choice!

***The photos were very expensive, but considering we hadn’t paid for the actual photoshoot, hair and make up etc, and the fact that the photos were amazing…we dug deep and bought a few! We decided we probably wouldn’t have photos done professionally again for a long time (if ever) so wanted a reminder of this day!

Elephant of the Week

Ok, so it’s a day late, but it’s here!! (And so am I!)

This beautiful elephant has pride of place in my living room (in my uni house) as one of my housemates (Mr Map) bought it and put it up to cheer me up!

Elephant poster

 

Unfortunately the picture quality isn’t fantastic, but I wanted to show him to you! 🙂

And, this post means…my lab report is finished!!*

I shall now be back on WordPress, blogging and reading my lovely bloggy friends’ blogs! I’m sorry to everyone who’s blog I haven’t been paying attention to lately, but sadly I’ve had to give up on catching up and have decided to start from now (and try to keep up!)

So stay tuned to lots of elephant posts and comments coming soon!! 🙂

*Even if it is a load of old codswallop!

 

Elephant of the Week

I’m trying to get back on track with my blogging, and what better way than with an Elephant of the week?

Elephant of the week TS

This Elephant of the week was sent to me by Celena at My Unexcused Life!! It’s such a cutie! I really really really want to go and look after some elephants!! (In case you didn’t know!)

Thanks for sending me this lovely elephant Celena! And remember, if anyone has any elephant pictures they want me to use as Elephant of the week, that would be great!! Email me them at: anxiouselephant@hotmail.com

🙂

P.S. I am still feeling goooood! 😀

Yoyo

Warning: This post may not/does not make sense. I’d be surprised if anyone can follow my crazy train of thought here…you’ve been warned! (I’m strange.)

Up and down like a yoyo. That’s how I feel at the moment!

2 weeks ago I took myself to the doctors for an emergency appointment because I was feeling incredibly low and I was scared of what I might do.

1 week ago, I saw a doctor who changed my medication. I was still feeling very low.

Today I am feeling good great… I feel like I can do this (life), and not only can I do this, I can do it well! I feel like I can take on anything, and my mind is full of ambitious ideas. I am trying to stop myself, because I know if I take on too much I’ll get stressed/down again…but I just have so many ideas right now!!

I’ve been to the gym today (AND yesterday,) which is a long way from the last few weeks when I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything, let alone self-inflicted physical exercise!

It’s such a big change, and I feel so good. I don’t want the down to come, it probably will, but I’m hoping (fingers crossed) that the good mood is here to stay, and I’m miraculously getting better!!

I’ve also decided to start a journal-type-thing. I have a pretty notebook that I’ve never written in (because it’s pretty so I didn’t want to ruin it,) but I came to the conclusion that it’s a notebook – it’s meant to be written in! It’s just somewhere to write stuff down…things I think of, ideas, things I have to do. I often think of stuff and then end up forgetting if I don’t write it down, especially writing ideas (for poems, blog posts – whatever) I think I shall call it my Book of Stuff!!

Pretty notebook

pretty notebook

This notebook was a present from one of my best friends (at the time.) Sadly, I never hear from her these days – I did try to keep in contact, she just doesn’t reply anymore. Apparently we (my friends and I) aren’t important enough parts of her life to care about these days! But anyway, it’s really pretty, and you can’t really see but it has a flap which has a magnet in to open/close it (see pic on right) and it looks more shiny in real life! I have an absurd number of notebooks! Maybe that’s an idea for a post! *Writes in “The book of Stuff”*

So in other news, I’m starting to plan my year abroad. I have to decide if I want to study, work or be a language assistant in a school. At the moment I’m leaning towards being a language assistant, because I don’t think I’d be able to get a job in the field I want (working with people with mental illness) and I definitely do not want to study fulltime out there (I’ve spent my entire life studying – time for a year off!) Also, the money will be nice (from a job or being a language assistant.)

I’m going to try and find out whether it would be possible to do some volunteering while I’m there, as it would be good experience for my CV (when I finally apply to do a clinical psychology doctorate) and also I just like helping people, and it’s always nice meeting new people (especially German ones, then I get to practice my atrocious German on them!) I hope it will be possible. It’s really hard to do in England though, so not sure how easy/hard it would be in Germany…(Juliet, any idea about this??)

Busy busy busy. I’m feeling quite hyper right now! It’s strange because I’ve been really tired I’m always really tired. I still feel tired, but hyper at the same time (if that’s even possible!) I think it’s true that doing exercise gives you more energy… strange how that works!

Anyway, time for tea I think! (Wow, I’m becoming Northern – that’s dinner to everyone else!) And then going to German Society to watch a German film (aren’t I cultured?! ;))

Ooo Ooo I forgot, something else to say! It was so lovely!! Last night I went to a halloween party (as a cat) and one of my freshers* was there, and we were talking about something, and somehow got onto the topic of being cute, and then he said “you’re just one of those people that people can’t not like.” It was the nicest thing ever!! Especially considering I often worry that people don’t like me (paranoia is a bitch) and/or that everyone hates me.

Anyway, dinner! Hope everyone’s in a good mood too!!

*One of the freshers who I looked after in freshers week

An award for Ellie!

This is a bit late, I’ve been a very busy Ellie lately, but I’m here now! I was surprised and very happy to read a comment on my blog from Jen saying that she has nominated me for the very inspiring blogger award! I thought that was so lovely of her, and so touched to be called “very inspiring”! So I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to Jen from jiltaroo.wordpress.com (and that you should check out her lovely blog!)

So, here’s the rules!

Very Inspiring Blogger Award Rules

1.Display the award logo on your blog.
2.Link back to the person who nominated you.
3.State 7 things about yourself.
4.Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5.Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

 

7 things about AnxiousElephant:

1. I want to be a clinical psychologist “when I grow up”

2. Cadburys Dairy Milk Caramel is my favourite chocolate. (I would rather have Cadburys than posh expensive chocolate any day!)

3. I love rollercoasters (and everyone is surprised when they hear that, as I’m scared of everything)

4. My favourite number is 17

5. I don’t like vanilla icecream (I am strange)

6. When I was younger I used to want to be a vet, then I realised I’m scared of most animals and blood…

7. I am trying to find myself again (because I don’t know who I am anymore)

My Nominations!

(I’ve tried not to nominate blogs who have already been nominated, but may have got some that have already been nominated anyway!)

http://thedepressedmoose.com/  (of course – since he inspired me to write my own blog!!)

http://jumpingonclouds.com/

http://weegeemcscot.wordpress.com/

http://onethousandsingledays.com/

http://alwaysallegoric.wordpress.com/

http://stuffredsaid.wordpress.com/

http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/

http://overthinkingmind.wordpress.com/

http://myunexcusedlife.wordpress.com/

http://brandonbored.wordpress.com/

http://hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com/

http://dysphoricrapture.wordpress.com/

http://aworldofinspirations.wordpress.com/

http://buckwheatsrisk.com/

http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/

Thank you again Jen for the nomination 🙂 xx

You can stand under my umbrella

ella ella eh eh

Today I was on my way home from campus, feeling pretty crappy, listening to my ipod with the raining pouring down on me!
There was a girl with a red umbrella walking just ahead of me, who I didn’t know. Suddenly she turned round, and offered for me to come under her umbrella with her, as the rain was getting harder!

I was very shocked! We chatted a bit and it turned out that she is from Hong Kong and is doing a semester abroad at University of Cumbria, so is currently living in Lancaster. My mood was slightly lifted by this kind and thoughtful gesture from a complete stranger.

Maybe it was a sign, to remind me that no matter how hard and rubbish things seem, there is still good in the world.

And as Buckwheatsrisk would say, There is hope!! 🙂