What is normal?

Today’s daily prompt: Is being “normal” — whatever that means to you — a good thing, or a bad thing? Neither?

This is one of those things I struggle with. Normal. What does that even mean? Is there even a such thing as “normal”? Is there an average of all people, and that is what normal is? Is normal a personal thing – what is normal for me? (which could be different from what is normal to you.)

I say the phrase often “I just want to be normal.” And by that I mean I don’t want to be depressed, overly paranoid, constantly on edge, I don’t want to doubt myself and everything I know, or wake up every morning wishing I hadn’t. None of that is “normal”. I want to be happy with normal things – normal grades should be good enough, but my perfectionist mind says NO, Normal is bad, average is bad. So I strive to do better, always.

So is normal good? Is normal bad? I’m not sure. I think really, the best thing is to be yourself. Because in reality, there’s no such thing as normal. That’s one of the nice things about humanity, everyone is different, individual, unique in some way. And if I was “normal”, then I’d just be a clone of everyone else, and what’s the point in that?

So maybe I’m not normal. I am disappointed with a B, I will run away if I hear the sound of wasps, and sometimes I scream in my sleep.* I push people away when they try to help me, and I have been known to suggest wheely chair races down the corridors at uni, and I have a serious obsession with elephants. But that’s who I am. And if I have to change who I am to be normal, well maybe being strange is more fun anyway.

*Last night I stayed at Twin’s** house, and in the middle of the night screamed and said “There’s people climbing over the wall!” while I was still asleep.

**Twin is a family friend who was born 3 hours after me in the same hospital and we have very similar names, so I call her my unrelated twin.

Daily Promot: Is the glass half full or empty?

Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?

For me I would say it varies. When I feel low, of course it seems half empty, when I’m feeling good maybe I’ll take a more optimistic view.

I think it depends what the topic is as well. If I am talking about myself, I am more likely to take a negative perspective whereas if it is about anyone else I will always try to find a way to spin it into a positive. That’s just what I do, I like to support people and help them look on the bright side but it’s hypocritical, because I never see my own mistakes/problems in a positive light.

But as I read the title of today’s Daily Prompt, I was reminded of something someone once said, or maybe I read it… Either way, it’s quite a nice way to look at it I think.

The glass is always technically full, even if it’s empty it has air in it so it is actually full (of air). This explanation could just be someone being pedantic which could be quite irritating, or it could be used as more of a metaphor (like the original “is the glass full or empty” scenario.) Maybe we should remember that no matter how bad things look, or how much we feel like the glass is half empty, there is always something good, even if it’s hard to see (like  air).

What do you think?

Feeling all philosophical now! Have a good Sunday everyone 🙂

And they all lived happily ever after…

“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there? – Daily Prompt

The short answer is no. No I am not living happily ever after, and I don’t know what it will take for me to get there.

The longer answer is that maybe one day I will be able to be happy. I do not believe that anyone has the perfect fairytale ending which the line “and they all lived happily ever after” reminds me of, but it is possible to be happy. Even when you have a “perfect” life, I don’t think anyone is happy all the time. There are always small things  to make us angry, upset or frustrated, and there are big life events which are enevitable, which will affect happiness for a long or short time.

When I look at my life, I know I should be happy. I shouldn’t be depressed and anxious, but I am, and that’s how it is (at least for now) so there’s no point in me saying “I should..”

In my life I hope that one day I will feel comfortable with myself, I will be able to be who I am and I will be surrounded by people who I care about and who care about me. I would like to smile real smiles, and answer honestly when people ask how I am. I want to be able to say “good” without lying.

So right now, I feel like I’m a long way away from living happily ever after, but there is good in my life. I am lucky that I have people who I care about and who care about me. So maybe sometimes it doesn’t feel like it (like last night) but at the end of the day maybe it doesn’t matter if not everyone cares, maybe I should focus on the people who do care and do matter.

Maybe happy ever after isn’t so far away after all?

Writing Room: Daily Prompt

A genie has granted your wish to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like? (Daily Post)

This would be really cool!!

My writing room would be quite small and cosy. It would be warm but not too hot, and it would have a big window with a lovely view outside. It would have a big desk with a comfy chair where I could sit, and maybe a bed – I like to write in bed sometimes!

There would be bookshelves with lots of books and different types of paper and notebooks, and lots of pens and pencils too. On my desk my laptop would be there, and the walls would have lots of sticky notes on with all my writing ideas!

The walls would be painted different colours, at least one would be purple!

Oh, and on the floor there would be a lovely fluffy rug 🙂

And that would be my writing room 😀

New Years Resolutions

It’s the last day of 2012, so I’m going to have a go at today’s Daily Post prompt:

Tell us about the three things you’d most like to change about your life, and make a bold, I-don’t-care-who-knows-it-because-there’s-a-meteor-a-comin’ assertion to the world that you are going to get these changes made. And that you’ll have at least started making them happen by March. When, erm, you’re probably going to wind up as dust.

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Probably unsurprisingly, there is something MAJOR I want to change in my life for 2013…

I want to beat depression (and anxiety!)*

That in itself is a huge feat and I know it is not something that will be achieved easily or without work, but I am determined that 2013 is going to be a new start, and I am going to get better.

More specifically, here are my new year’s resolutions for 2013:

  1. Try to do the Daily Post challenge as much as possible**
  2. Explore every possible avenue in escaping depression and anxiety until I can be the not-so-anxious Elephant.
  3. Lose the weight I’ve put on since I’ve been on Mirtazapine
  4. Get fit! (Back to the gym then Ellie!***)
  5. Look after myself

There are many many more things that I want to do in 2013, but right now, at the end of 2012, I have learnt that the most important thing for me to do next year is look after myself, which is resolution number 5, but resolutions 2, 3 and 4 also would fit into that category!

So now I’d like to raise a metaphorical glass, and say – Here is to hope for the future, and a better year next year!

*How’s that for a “bold, I-don’t-care-who-knows-it-because-there’s-a-meteor-a-comin’ assertion”?

**Everyday is probably too much of a commitment right now

***Well, I’ve already paid for a gym membership!