Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
I miss you. You know that though don’t you? I hope you do. I wish I got longer to spend with you, I was only 10 when you died. I knew there was something wrong while I was away.
I was going on the year 6 ski trip with the school. I went, I loved it – of course, but I knew, I had this feeling that there was something wrong at home. No one believed me of course, but I just had this feeling, I can’t explain it. I got back, I remember the coach drove past my house and I saw Nannie’s car on the drive. Why was she here? That wasn’t planned, Nannie rarely comes to visit. I got home, and that’s when they told me. I think Dad told me, that you had died the night before I left to go on the ski trip.
I was angry. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I cried. Dad said he didn’t want to ruin the ski trip for me, he said you wouldn’t have wanted me to be upset on my trip. I know he’s right, you were such a lovely and caring man. I never once saw you angry, you always had a game and a joke with us kids, and you always made us all feel so welcome at your house. I used to love coming round every Sunday to see you, Nanna and the rest of the family. We still did that after you were gone of course, but it’s never been the same. 17 became 16 and it just isn’t right. We all miss you, I hope you know that. I know Nanna does especially. She always seems so happy when she speaks about you – happy memories, and she always tells me “he was such a lovely man” – but I know that, I remember that.
I remember you had a gold lighter. You used to smoke a pipe all the time. You used to light the lighter, and me and Actress used to pop up from behind your chair and blow it out. You used to pretend you didn’t know where it had gone, and we did this week after week for several years probably, yet you never minded – you always played along. Then you’d relight it again, and if we were quick enough, we’d blow it out again.
I wish you could see us all now. Well, maybe you can. I hope you can. If you can, you don’t need to read all this because you already know, but everyone likes letters right?
Do you remember the ride on scooter you had when you couldn’t walk very well? It had two settings on – a tortoise and a hare. We used to race you down the hill to the field, and you always used to let us win I think.
Sometimes when I go past the church I stop by the gate and talk to you. Out loud. I tell you what’s going on. I want to make you proud. I know you always were, so proud of all of us. And I wish more than anything that you weren’t taken away so long ago. I hope you’re at peace now, safe and happy somewhere, I’m glad you didn’t have to suffer anymore.
I just wanted you to know, I remember you, I miss you, and I have so many happy memories with you and the rest of the family.
Lots of love,
P.S. I know my name isn’t Ellie, don’t worry I haven’t changed it, it’s just for anonymity purposes!