Feeling stuck

Down. Low. Depressed. Sad. Feeling like shit. Whatever you want to call it, I’m there.

I don’t exactly know why but I’m feeling rough (more than usual.) The idea of getting up and doing another week of work tomorrow makes me weary. The idea of eating anything makes me feel sick. I can’t stop bloody crying, I am a mess.

I hate posting negative things with no purpose, but I thought it might help to let it out. I’m trying to look after myself and do things that help, but right now nothing is helping. The only thing I can think of is speaking to S, and that’s not a possibility anymore.

I just don’t have the energy to be ok anymore. I’m fed up, I’m so tired. I want to feel ok and I don’t know how. I know it comes in waves, I know it will pass eventually, but I also know that overall things are no better than they were last year, 2 years ago, even 5 years ago, and that depresses me.

I know I have a lot of positives in my life but right now I feel incredibly lonely. I still miss S every single day, I still can’t imagine finding someone who understands me the way he did. I don’t like being on my own.

I know I need to learn to be ok by myself. I know that this is my chance to figure out who I really am and all that jazz, but I don’t care. I would give anything to go back, even though things weren’t perfect between us.

Sorry for my negative ranting. I just needed to let it out somehow.

Love,

Ellie xx

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6 thoughts on “Feeling stuck

  1. LiveNotExist says:

    Right now it’s ok that you’re not ok!!! You need to feel this and don’t push yourself to hard. Yes ofc do something good and that make you feel more comfortable . Like putting it down in your own words. I think so many of us with this illness apologize for writing “negative”!! It’s not negative. It’s how we feel and our experiences is important.. Veen more than some lipstick or a book… because it’s our life❤️ hang in there hun and be proud for having the guts to say it out loud☺️

  2. amy says:

    It’s okay to not be okay. Take your time to grieve and write it out like you did and get it all out. We’ve all been there. Sending lots of hugs 🤗🤗

  3. karenalmarez says:

    I feel you, right now. I also feel the same. And you were right to write your thoughts down to let them come out of your head. I hope you get through this tough time., and I know you will. You’ll see the rainbow, a beautiful rainbow after the rain. 🙂

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