Doctors 

This morning I sat in front of a GP and told them how crap I feel. I told her I’m exhausted and I don’t know how to keep going. I told her I feel like I’m going to fall asleep all the time. I told her I feel suicidal again. 

She said “go to A&E if you feel suicidal”

I am so angry. What a load of crap. That is all you have for me? I work in mental health, I know how this goes. If I went to A&E (which I won’t), I would sit for hours, eventually see someone and say I feel suicidal, they would ask if I have acted on it, I would say no, and they’d send me home and we would both feel that our time has been wasted. 

Such bullshit. 

She talked about prescribing some antidepressants and I said I didn’t mind but wasn’t sure what to try as I’ve had so many. She said we would start again with the most common ones. What the hell? Oh I see this medication didn’t work for you last time so let’s try it again??? And then she didn’t even prescribe anything. 

I told her that I have been told I’m too unwell for IAPT and not unwell enough for the mental health team. Why is there this ridiculous gap? This is why I have to pay for private therapy. 

Not a happy Ellie today. I feel let down by our NHS. I felt rushed to get out of the door. She didn’t help, it made me feel worse. 

Rant over xx

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