I have been thinking about getting back into blogging for a while. At one point I thought about starting a blog as me, one that people I know could know about. I’m still considering it but the idea fills me with anxiety. I would do a wellbeing based blog I think, rather than making it very personal.
So that’s what brought me back here I guess. Here, I am Ellie. I feel safe in the knowledge that here I am anonymous and I can write what I like without fear of what people I know might say. I have become a hell of a lot more open about my mental health in the last year or two, but still not quite ready for that I don’t think.
As a bit of an update – I finished my year abroad, and it was the best thing I could’ve done. In that year, I healed a lot. I learned a lot, I gained confidence, I gained independence.
And then I went back and finished my degree, it was hard but I did it and I got what I wanted. Final year was a completely new world for me… because I was so much more well, I could sit in lectures and take it all in, learning was exciting and enjoyable, I remembered why I chose to study psychology. I’m not saying it was all roses, because final year was bloody hard. And my relief at never having to do german translation again afterwards was huge. But anyway, long story short, final year was pretty good.
Then I moved home, got a job, had a few wobbles, got a promotion, did that for a while, got fed up, got 2 new jobs, and now here I am.
I have had periods of being well, periods of really struggling. At the moment I’m in a bit of a dip and it’s not nice. Especially after feeling like I had ‘recovered’
But that’s not how life works and I know it. I will always be recovering because my depression and anxiety come and go in ebbs and flows. And I have to learn to be ok with that. It doesn’t make it easier though, every time it happens, it catches me unaware, it floors me. And then I get back up, I keep trying, I get through.
So that’s my short version of the update. Would love to know how everyone else is doing 😊