The end?

I feel like I’m kind of done here. I don’t have a lot to say and I don’t have a lot of energy at the moment.
I’m ok, I really feel ok most of the time.
But I notice that if I spend a lot of time on here, it makes me feel worse. I don’t know. I am trying to do things in “real life” instead of spending a lot of time on the internet and alone, it helps.

Most of the time things are pretty good with me. There’s still stuff to work on, but at the moment I feel like this blog isn’t helping me anymore. It makes me think about stuff too much, it makes me feel guilty that I don’t write often or that I don’t keep up with anyone’s blogs anymore. It’s not that I don’t care, I do.

I’m not going to close my blog, but this is just to say I probably won’t be writing much (if at all) anymore. We’ll see.

Maybe if I start therapy again I will come back because then I’d have something to write.

I think I need to keep busy and not be on the internet all the time, it makes me feel lonely and makes things seem worse than they are. I have such a good life, I need to enjoy it and be with the people I have. I’m lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. I guess the death of someone I used to know made me realise that life is short, life is temporary. He was only a year older than me and now he’s gone. I have to make the most of life and being in the “real world” instead of here for hours is the best way of doing that for me right now.

I will check in on blogs every so often I think. I used to read all of the posts in my reader, but there are so many. I feel bad. I feel guilty. But I don’t have the time to do that anymore, and if I try it stresses me out and makes me feel worse. So I’ll end the pressure to read and write.

I’ll probably be back around here sometime soon (in my last post I wrote that I thought I’d write more again, so never know how long this thought will last..) But anyway, I’m ok, and I hope everyone else is too.

I’m sorry that I can’t be a better blogging friend right now. I feel selfish but I wanted to at least explain. Sometimes this blogging world can be a gift, a real help, I know it has helped me a lot in the past. But sometimes it causes pain, difficulty, pessimism, and that’s not the way to recovery. I hope I can come back in a more positive frame of mind about blogging, but for now I shall miss you, and wish you all the best of luck and every happiness that you all deserve.

Lots of love,
Ellie xxx