Another realisation

I want wanted to be a psychologist, a clinical psychologist. Since I started studying psychology really, and definitely since I started having my own mental health issues.

And I know it’s competitive. And I always thought: Will I get good enough grades? Will I get through interviews? etc etc.

But maybe I’m not the right sort of person. I’m too emotional. I care too much. I don’t know if I’d be able to listen to people and not react to what they say – remain objective and professional, not emotional.

And my inability to make decisions… how could I possibly decide on a diagnosis? How could I recommend the right treatments, how could I decide where to start?

And besides how can I help anyone else when I can’t even help myself. A depressed psychologist? I doubt that would be very helpful.

I can’t do it. Not because I’m not good enough (although that is also highly likely) but because I’m the wrong sort of person. And you can work as hard as you like, learn interview skills, all of that… but if you’re not the right sort of person you’ll crack, if by some miracle you manage to make it through training in the first place.

There goes my life plan….

Fuck.

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2 thoughts on “Another realisation

  1. bpnana says:

    I can relate, but in my case, it was nursing. I did the candy striper volunteer thing in my sophomore year in high school, and realized that I couldn’t stand the sight of blood and wouldn’t be able to ever give someone an IV, so my hopes were dashed on that possible career. xx

  2. anonymous says:

    I am going through a similar thing at present. I’ve been working in the field for a little while, and am finding it is very hard to support people who are depressed when you are barely scraping by yourself. I don’t know if it gets better or easier, but some days are definitely easier than others. At least with psychology it can be applied to a number of fields, so even if you do decide not to go down that path there are others to choose from. My life is definitely not going to plan, and I’m still trying to make peace with that. Hope you find some peace as well 🙂

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