Maybe I haven’t magically got better. Maybe I just stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich (do they actually do that?)

I’ve been busy busy busy, and have hardly had time to feel low or homesick, or any of the other things I was worried about.

But I tried to have an essay day today. I failed miserably. And I’m feeling miserable. 8000 words in German to write. Today I wrote a grand total of less than 100 words. Well done me. I’ve been doing some research as well today but it’s really hard to find stuff that’s relevant. Especially as it’s in German.

I’m starting to worry worrying about next year at uni. We are supposed to be C1 (on the European framework of languages) by the time we get back. I found this out yesterday. And I’m currently doing a B2 course, it finishes in 2 weeks and I only have another 2 months here. There is NO WAY IN HELL I’m getting to C1 level by October. NOT going to happen.

And that means I’ve really messed up. Because if I’m not good enough at German, I’m not going to get good German grades. And German is half of my degree, so no matter how well I do in psychology, if my German grades are crap, my degree classification will be too. I am waving goodbye to my hopes at a first… Damn.

So after my failure of a day, and panic at my lack of German, I was looking forward to visiting a German friend this weekend… it would mean a weekend of speaking German (which is always useful!) and I was looking forward to seeing her. But now I’m not going, she has the flu. It’s not her fault, but it’s brought me down. And to add another snippet of annoyance; I’ve had to cancel my train tickets, which is a cost of 15 euros each way, so I’ve spent 30 euros on not going… lucky me.

In one sense it’s probably a good thing. I now have a weekend to catch up on sleep, and hopefully do some work on these bloody essays.

I really didn’t want to leave them all until the end. I had a plan. I was meant to have done 1 by Christmas and another 2 by Easter… fat chance. It’s nearing Easter now, and I’ve written 0 essays. I’ve written a little bit of one of them, and an even littler bit of the second one. I still have until July, it’s not like the deadline is soon. But I wanted them finished while I’m in Germany really, that’s when my German will be at its “best”.

Complaining, rambling rant over.

I just feel sad. And suddenly I don’t feel like I’m doing so well.

Have a good and restful weekend everyone,

Lots of love,

Ellie xxx



2 thoughts on “Ostriches

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