I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. I hate myself. I see fat. I see something ugly. I see only flaws in myself. I see something I don’t want to be.
I don’t understand how anyone could be attracted to me when I am so ugly. I don’t see what S sees in me at all. He says I should do something about it if I think I’m fat. But I’m scared of failing. What if I try and it doesn’t work? Then I’d feel even worse. Or what if I can’t stop once I start, I don’t want to go down that road.
How can we see such different things?
I wish I could feel good about myself but I don’t know how. There’s nothing to feel good about. I’m nothing but a disappointment to myself.
I guess I’m feeling low.