So I finally realised that even though S makes me happy, it’s ok and good to be happy without him. Like an epiphany. Other people have probably known this for a long time, but it’s one of those things you need to realise yourself. I need to be happy myself because I can’t always rely on him to be there. This year (year abroad) I have so many opportunities and I really need to take them, and just enjoy the year. I can still be me without him.

I think I never really got that because when I was with the ex he made it so he was all I had. And it was suffocating and controlling but I didn’t know it wasn’t normal. I don’t want to be “S’s girlfriend” I want to be Ellie, who is also S’s girlfriend, and a friend, and a student, and a climber and and and…. And now I’m allowed, and I’m going to allow myself to be me.


2 thoughts on “Progress

  1. bpnana says:

    What I’ve learned through a bit more life experience (I’m 63), is that people didn’t take away my power – I relinquished it to them. I wasn’t ready to stand alone and look at the world with my own eyes. To take my life into my own hands and use it for what is my true purpose in being here, in this world. To look at myself in the mirror and see my authentic self. Not with anyone standing behind me as I look. Just me. Being enough. Being alright. Being beautiful, in my own unique way.

    Yes, as a young person, one develops a “sense” of self, but I believe it takes perhaps a lifetime to achieve a complete sense of who we are. That’s the mystery. And it’s beautiful!

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