Silly Ellie

I just read all the comments from my previous post. Everyone said it was a good idea NOT to contact him and that it’s great that I’m NOT contacting him… 

But what did I do today?

I texted him. Stupidly.

I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. I felt like I just HAD to do it. I said congratulations, I don’t know why. I’m not happy for him, but I thought maybe I’ve been bitter for too long now, maybe he’s moving on with his life and he’s changed… maybe, maybe, maybe.

 I HAD to tell him not to mess it up, not to treat her like he treated me. So I sent him a text saying basically that.

And he said “I don’t appreciate getting texts like that but thank you for the congratulations.”

I guess I was somehow hoping he was going to come out with an apology and that he’s changed and bla bla bla (as if that would fix this anyway.) But of course he didn’t. Because he’s a narcissist, he ignores anything wrong that he’s ever done, because nothing is ever his fault.

But in a way maybe I feel better. I feel like I’ve told him what I needed to tell him, and now it’s not my fault anymore (like it ever was!)

So even though I didn’t get the response I wanted/hoped for, I’m going to use it as evidence that I am better off without him anyway (and I know I am.)

Even though it hurts and even though my negative brain is trying to tell me that I’m not good enough and bla bla bla, I’m not going to let it get to me too much. Because it’s over. It’s all over and it’s never going to happen again, and no one is going to hurt me anymore.

And in a way this feels a bit more like closure. I’ve said everything I needed to say, and now I’m done. 

10 thoughts on “Silly Ellie

  1. My Mental Stream says:

    I will admit I was a little dubious as to what you may write in your text to your ex, but what you have done has resulted in the best results. He has once again proven that he is a fool, you are an amazing person and it has had a cathartic effect. You have closed that door (hopefully never to be opened again). I commend you for your actions Ellie. Hugs xxx

  2. theglitteringdarkbird says:

    I totally get this (and you’re not silly). This time last year I broke up with someone I’d been with for almost ten years. When I found out he was officially seeing someone else, I was knocked for six – even though I kind of knew he’d started seeing her before we broke up, and it was a big part of why I ended things. I’ve blogged about a lot of the stuff that went on, but part of me really wanted to say, “I know you have to move on, but you need to learn from what happened with us and not do the same stuff to her. You need to be better this time”. And I did meet him one last time, and say it.

    He was pretty angry with me, but for me it was cathartic. I said my thing, and then I closed that door and walked away. We haven’t spoken since, and I really do feel that I’ve moved on (although I’m still wistful for the life I expected us to have together and the avenue closed off; I don’t think that’s quite the same thing as missing the person).

    I think what I’m saying is, don’t beat yourself up too much. Look at it as a way of putting a full stop on that chapter of your life and look forward, not back. You’re ok, you know you’re in a better position now than before, and what matters is making yourself happy. Closure is a wonderful thing, because it sets you free to be whoever you want to be instead of dragged down by the past. I really hope you get it.

    Take care. xx

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