In November (2012) I applied to be a language assistant in Germany for my year abroad. And today is the day that I finally got the letter I was waiting for!!* I knew the region I was going to already (Nordrhein – Westfalen (or North Rhine Westphalia in English)). I was hoping to go somewhere near Köln (Cologne) or Bonn, but that was not to be! I am instead off to the most northern town in Nordrhein Westfalen, Radhen (which is actually nowhere near Cologne and Bonn at all.)
A bit disappointed because it seems like it is a bit in the middle of nowhere… It’s at least an hour to the nearest big place and it looks like it’s a town in the countryside. But every cloud has a silver lining – I will probably learn more German there because the smaller the place, the less likely they are to speak English (apparently).
Also, my research this afternoon seems to conclude that there is nowhere to go rock climbing nearby, which is disappointing (especially as there are so many rock climbing centres in that region, it just turns out most of them are in the centre/south and I am in the very north!)
I am hoping that there will be good transport links and that it won’t be too expensive to travel, so then I can still go to see these bigger cities – Cologne, Bonn, Düsseldorf, Hanover, Bremen… And even Northern cities like Hamburg and the far-away Berlin are on my list of places to go, which will be a bit easier to get to as I’m further north than I expected.
I don’t think I would’ve been happy wherever I was put though. Because this makes it real. There’s a real school in a real town where I’m really going to go and live for nearly a year. And it’s scary already. I think this made it feel more definite, and now there’s not really a way out. Before there was always going to be the chance that they email me and say “oh sorry there’s no place for you” and I would’ve had to stay in England
and it wouldn’t have been my fault. But I am going in September. I need to start planning and actually looking forward to it, at the moment I am just scared, I want to cry (who am I kidding? I am crying..)
I think it’s a bit of a shock really, as the wait has been so long, I wasn’t actually expecting the answer to come!
And today also marked the end of “year abroad preparation week**”, so now with my brain full of information, I’m meant to be ready to go. But I’m not.
There’s still a couple of months but I’m scared. What if I can’t do it? What if I fail? What if I hate it there and become more depressed? No one is going to be there to help me then…
I know I should be excited, I should be grateful for having a place and for having this new information. But the fear is getting in the way of all of that, and the disappointment that I’m so far from where I hoped to be.
I’ll probably cheer up soon 😛
Lots of love,
From a very anxious and worried Ellie xxx
*Ok, so technically I don’t have it yet, but it arrived at home (London) and my mum has told me the details and has now posted it to here (Lancaster).
**which did not last a week (as one might expect) but 3 days!