I’m so emotional at the moment. I seem to cry at everything. Happy or sad. All of the emotions are just very strong at the moment.
Ever since the night before my birthday, finding out that the ex is having a baby with his new girlfriend, I’ve been really unsettled.
And then there was more revision and an exam to do, my concentration was terrible again and I felt like a lot of the progress had just disappeared.
This week’s CBT was really hard and involved a lot of crying.
And then today I don’t know why but I got so upset. I started thinking I don’t want to go to Germany, that I can’t do it, that I’m not good enough. How am I going to stand up in front of a class and teach when I can’t talk in front of people, and my German is terrible. I’m just so worried.
I’m really doubting myself again at the moment and hating myself (again). I am getting paranoid about S leaving me, even though I have no reason to. I’m questioning everything and I just don’t feel strong enough to deal with everything that’s going on. I would quite like to hibernate for a while until I feel strong again, but life doesn’t have time for that.
It’s horrible when things have been so much better recently and then things feel worse again.
Well at least tomorrow should be a good day. I am going to Manchester to shop with footballer and another friend. I am feeling a bit anxious though, because it will probably be busy. And there’s a load of upset in the house because of next year’s housing situation which got all complicated so I hope that won’t ruin the day. Footballer thinks she doesn’t have any friends here and no one cares about her but that’s just not true. I wish she could see that. (Yes, I know… massive hypocrite!)
But to end this post on a happier note, I would like to show you the most recent thing to make me cry. And yes, I’ll admit that I’m pathetic crying at Britain’s got talent, but for some reason I found this video very moving! (If you watch to the end you might see what I mean!)
I’m quite interested to see what they are going to do tomorrow in the semi-final!