Painful hands and procrastination

My hands hurt, that is all I have to say really. I just got back from climbing with Owl, and although I enjoy climbing, today was not great!

I couldn’t do the route I was trying to do, my hands are in agony and I’m tired. But it was a pretty good workout. We spent a bit longer bouldering than usual, and tried some harder routes. That’s probably why I couldn’t do the route I was trying in top-roping (hands were already hurting after bouldering!), but it’s still frustrating. 

Today I haven’t managed to get much work done either. Did a bit of German grammar this morning (what could be more exciting?!) but I really need to get into proper revision mode… the exam is on Tuesday!! What am I doing going rockclimbing this close to an exam?!

Since S left I have been feeling pretty down and my concentration is worse again. A couple of days ago the anxiety really kicked in (again), I was hiding in my bed for most of the day and I was really freaked out (haven’t worked out why though) but that seems to have subsided (at least for now.) I keep putting myself down, and usually I feel a sense of accomplishment after climbing which helps with motivation, but today I didn’t manage to complete the route so I feel like a bit of a failure. (Even though I know it was a hard route, and it was only the 2nd time of trying a route of that grade!) 

In other news, I have come to the conclusion that nice nails do not go with climbing. I painted my nails on Friday before I went out. Owl bought me a magnetic nail varnish for my birthday that makes a cool pattern so I used that. Now (Sunday) after climbing they are ruined… It’s to be expected. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to do them again now… (More procrastination! Wait until after the exam!!)

Sorry for the boring update, but I don’t really have much else to say at present. (Just having a little moan really!) After Tuesday when I have finished my exam I will have to start focusing on my CBT stuff… I’m sure I’ll have plenty to blog about then!!

Talking of after exams, I’m going to have to start planning my dissertation! I am doing some research into how EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitation and Reprocessing – A type of therapy often used to treat PTSD) works. Has anyone tried EMDR? And if so, how did you find it? (Would be interested to know if anyone feels like they want to tell me about it)


13 thoughts on “Painful hands and procrastination

  1. Tilda says:

    I would love to try climbing, you must be fit.
    Re: EMDR. I haven’t done it, as it’s not recommended for someone with my diagnosis. But a while ago my GP told me there was some new research which was claiming that by journaling – even on the computer – researchers are finding this mimics the eye movements involved in EMDR, the constant scanning back and forth. And if a person has PTSD and is writing about their experience of trauma, the combination of the catharsis of writing and the eye movements is being shown to be helpful. I have never been able to find the study, but I know one of the local hospitals do a lot of research with Vietnam Vets, so perhaps a paper hasn’t been written yet and my GP heard about it at the hospital. Anyway, just thought I would mention it.
    Good luck with it all.

    • anxiouselephant says:

      I’m actually really unfit, only started climbing recently, but it’s really fun! Definitely worth a try 🙂
      And thanks, that’s really interesting!! I’ll see if I can find out anything about that research 🙂 xxx

  2. behindthemaskofabuse says:

    It sounds like you did well climbing! Here’s a couple tips I learned in my climbing years. One, keep your body close to the wall, two, climb more with your legs and less with your arms and hands and you won’t tire as quickly 😉

    I have a guess as to why you feel down after S left…It may be an abandonment thing but subconscious? It’s a thing I go through when Hubby leaves.

    As far as EMDR, my Hubby is in it now, and it is definitely making a difference in a short amount of time, it’s also very intense. I’m in a similar form of it called OEI, it works and both are good for trauma/ptsd. 🙂

    Be kind to you!! xo

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Thanks for the climbing tips Zoe! The route I was trying to do was a 6a and I’ve only done a couple of them before so I guess it’s not that surprising that I couldn’t do it!
      And I think you might be right. Since he left I feel (even more) insecure and keep thinking he’s going to leave me (even though I have no reason to think that because everything was really good when he was here!) I think it’s probably that combined with exam stress and just missing him/home…hopefully it’ll be resolved soon (end of exams on Tuesday!!)
      That’s great that EMDR is helping your husband, my CBT therapist did say I could maybe try that if I still need further therapy after CBT, but fingers crossed I won’t need too much more help after I finish the CBT! I’m going to have a look at what OEI is, glad that’s working for you too! My research will be on how EMDR makes the memories less vivid etc, but based on a non-clinical population (because I’m an undergrad so it would be unethical to use actual EMDR patients!) but hopefully it’s going to be really interesting 🙂 xx

      • behindthemaskofabuse says:

        You’re welcome, you’re doing really well if you’re even attemping 6A climbs already!! Pat yourself on the back for that!! It’s also not about how far you get but just about climbing and having fun!!

        I hate that abandonment feeling, it’s so hard. 😦 All the best with your exam, and for what it’s worth you’re doing amazing in school! I envy your marks!!

        If I were an EMDR patient I would help anyway I could with your work!

      • anxiouselephant says:

        You’re right, it’s definitely more about having fun, it’s just frustrating when you get stuck on one little bit of a route!
        Yes it is hard, it seems like you cope pretty well most of the time while your husband is away but it must be hard.
        Thanks, I am doing my best, and I am trying to look at it as if it were someone else’s grades, because I am a lot less critical of other people than myself. It’s hard trying to unlearn perfectionism when it’s been drilled in for so long, but I’m trying to learn that doing your best is enough, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Thanks Zoe 🙂 xxx

  3. Louise says:

    I don’t comment on your blog really, but I do read often. I’m a student of German and French and I suffer with anxiety, and have suffered with depression in the past. I’m sitting here procrastinating on some German grammar because I’m gripped with some kind of fear over it. Stupid perfectionist!
    Anyway, I just sort of wanted to say that I know how you feel, and its comforting for me to read how you feel.
    Chin up, and good luck with the revision.

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Hi, thanks for commenting! It is hard to get all this grammar into your head isn’t it?! Must be even harder learning two languages!! Nice to know I’m not the only one procrastinating instead of revising 😛 Good luck to you too! xx

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