The right thing for the wrong reason

Today’s Daily prompt (Green-eyed monster) reminded me of something that happened nearly 2 years ago now. I’ve probably written a bit about it before, but nevermind.

This time 2 years ago, the ex had just broken up with me and got into a new relationship straight away. I was jealous, crazily jealous of her. What did she have that I didn’t? Who was she to take him away from me? Why did he choose her over me?

He carried on using me, sleeping with me while he was with her. For a while I was under the delusion that he was going to change his mind, that she was nothing serious, that he would come back to me. That didn’t happen*. While he was with her I would purposefully text him in the hope that she would read his texts and find out he was cheating on her.

I became like a woman girl possessed – I became obsessed with breaking them up, with showing him that she wasn’t worth it. I do not like that side of me, and it is a side of me I have never seen before this and hope never to see again. I was so jealous that she had his attention and I didn’t. He (appeared to) treat her so much better than he did me. I wanted his love, his attention, his care and she had it all. I told her that he was cheating on her, and he told her I was crazy. I was his crazy, jealous ex. And that’s exactly true (except that I was telling her the truth.)

And then I got angry.

I came to my senses, I realised that HE was the evil one (not her). I realised that he was using me, that he had been controlling and using me for a long time and I had been too blind to see it. And then I started doing the right thing for the right reason. Once I wasn’t jealous anymore I just wanted to warn her. I didn’t like her, but she’s still  a person with feelings. She still didn’t deserve to be treated badly by him.

And this one has a happy ending actually. Quite a while after she still wouldn’t believe me and I had given up on trying, I got a message from her. It said they had broken up, and that I was right and she apologised for not believing me.

And so in the end,jealousy aside, the right thing happened. But it showed me the dangerous side of human nature. It showed me how calculating and horrible I could be. And I never want to see it again.

I had never realised before how connected jealousy is to anger. The jealousy was fuelled by anger, and the anger was fuelled by jealousy. With some tainted love and error of judgement thrown in there, the whole thing was a recipe for disaster. (I am very glad this is over.)

*thank God! 

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