I always feel guilty that I get extra time in exams.
I’ve only started getting the extra time this year (probably could’ve had it last year if I asked) but I feel like I’m cheating because I get 25% extra time on every exam.
I feel like I’m at an advantage and that’s not fair on other people. Today’s exam should’ve been 2 hours but I get 2 and a half.
I know I’m allowed it. I know I probably needed it earlier in the year, when I was feeling really really low, but now I’m feeling a bit better (most of the time) I feel like I should no longer be entitled to the time.
The thing is, I needed it. Today I used 2 hours 25 minutes, and I was nowhere near done at 2 hours.
I wish I could stop feeling guilty because logically I know I wouldn’t have the extra time if I wasn’t entitled to it. And I definitely think people with depression and anxiety should be allowed extra time.
I guess I’m questioning whether I’m “depressed enough” anymore.
But then I guess the part of me who questions that doesn’t remember that I spent the first 20 minutes of the exam staring out of the window trying to calm my racing thoughts and anxiety. And that I still get sad/cry a lot more than a “normal” person.
It’s like when things feel better I can’t remember (or maybe block out?) the bad times, and when I feel bad, I can’t remember the good things.
So ist das Leben!