Like a completely different person

I am back. Back in England, and back to my blog!

Everything has been go go go for quite a while so haven’t been around much at all! I have a lot of blogs to catch up with, which I’ll be doing this week – I haven’t forgotten about you all! 

I got back from Germany today. I flew out for a few days to stay with my friend (sheep) who is doing her year abroad this year, in the region of Hessen. We visited Heidelberg, Frankfurt and Wiesenbaden, as well as looking around the town where she is living (Bensheim). For the first time in a long time, I just let all my troubles go for a few days, and just enjoyed myself. It was great and this is the closest to relaxed I’ve felt in a very long time! 

We walked up a massive hill in Bensheim, and you can see for miles around from the top. It is very quiet and peaceful there, and I couldn’t help thinking that it would be a good spot to do some writing!! I hope that I can find somewhere like that wherever I end up on my year abroad next year! 🙂

I was talking to Sheep a lot about how things are, and she said when she thinks about how I was at Christmas, it was like I’m a completely different person. And it made me think. And it made me realise, I’m feeling more like me. And so maybe it’s true – recovery sneaks up on you, and it’s gradual, very gradual. But *touch wood* things are getting better.

Sure, I still have down days, I still have moments of high anxiety, but they are not every day anymore (at the moment anyway) and so I’m going to enjoy these better times while they are here, and try to remind myself of them when I am feeling low. 

Now I’m back I’ve got to get on with some work – I have a lab report to write and lots of revision to do. It’s not going to be easy or fun, but right now, I feel like I can do it. And that’s a huge change in itself! Also, seeing how happy my friend is on her year abroad, and spending some time in Germany made me feel more optimistic for my year abroad, and now I’m quite excited (still terrified as well!) I was surprised that I could understand a lot more German than I expected, and even managed a few conversations myself which was good practice! 🙂

I really need to start doing my CBT homework too… I am meant to spend about an hour each evening reflecting on thoughts/feelings/behaviour, but I’ve been so busy that it has escaped my head for a couple of weeks!

I find myself wondering why I am feeling better. Is it the medication? Is it the CBT? Is it a combination of the two? Or is it something different altogether? After a lot of consideration, I came to the conclusion that I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. As long as I’m feeling better, the cause for that doesn’t particularly matter.

I’m not completely better. I’m not under the illusion that there won’t be more down times, and I am not claiming that I am miraculously no longer depressed, but things are better, and that’s progress. It will be interesting to see how things are now I’m back at home, and then when I go back to uni. I am going to try and write my blog (and in my little CBT book) often so I can see how things change over time.

Going to get some sleep now, and I’ll be back tomorrow.

Lots of love,

Ellie xxx

4 thoughts on “Like a completely different person

Leave a Reply :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s