I can’t do it.
I don’t want to go to CBT tomorrow. I’m too scared to deal with these memories. Nothing can change them anyway.
I am disgusting. I am so ashamed.
I tried to write out the memory of new year’s eve and it’s so triggering. I can’t do it.
I’m never going to get better if I don’t deal with these memories but it’s so hard. I won’t be able to say it. It makes me feel like dirt. Like I’m nothing. I’m so stupid, useless, pathetic and a slut.
I just want it all to stop. Tears streaming down my face and all I can think is I just want to die. I just want it all to stop. I can’t deal with it.
Why am I so stupid and pathetic? Why can’t I just grow up?
Do some work you lazy shit instead of just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. You’re never going to even pass your degree at this rate, let alone get a first. What’s the point in any of this? He’s still controlling you even now, because you’re letting him. Just do something useful for once. You’re going to fail and you’re going to let everyone down. You’re just proving that you’re nothing. Give up. No one cares.