Today was another hour spent mostly crying.
We talked too of course.
Today we started looking at trauma memories from my relationship with the ex. It was hard, and scary thinking about it all again, but hopefully in the long run this will be helpful.
I used my safe space and grounding techniques to calm me down, and A made sure I was back in the room and ok before I left.
For homework I’ve got to write down as much as I can remember about a certain memory. It is a horrible, triggering memory. I think it’s the worst one; the one that haunts me most. I thought I was going to die.
I’ll probably write a post on that memory when I write it for my “homework”.
No session next week – mixed feelings about that. On one hand it’s a shame because I want to get on with this so it will help asap! On the other hand, maybe it’s good not to take it too fast, and at least I will get a lie in next Monday for once!
On the next session we will look at retelling and rescripting the memory.
I hope that this will help, and maybe one day soon I might be able to feel safe.
Today we also talked about the last week. I told her about Saturday night, and how I’ve been feeling really low this week. I also explained how irritable and angry I am. Everything winds me up. Everything makes me angry. It’s not fair – life is not fair. It makes me angry when I see people complaining when they have nothing to complain about. It makes me angry when my housemate can’t be bothered to go to uni, puts no effort in, and then comes out with good grades. I wonder what most people would do if they felt like I do. Then they would understand, what an effort it is for me to do the everyday things that they can’t be bothered to do. Or maybe all of this is just an excuse, and I’m just lazy?