I feel so alone.
I’m not, but I feel it.
It’s amazing how you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.
S (the boyfriend, who is now my ex, but not to be confused with THE EX) is away on holiday at the moment. We still talked everyday, even though we split up. Now I can’t speak to him, I feel so alone.
I wish I could feel fine. Not even happy, just fine – that would be enough. I feel so alone, so sad, so hurt and so tired.
What does it take to make the pain go away?
This is why I never wanted to rely on someone again. After the ex, I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone get so close, I wouldn’t rely on someone so much. But I did. Not quite so much, but only because S didn’t manipulate me into being controlled and completely reliant. Whenever I
had have a problem, I always went go to him. I need him. I miss having someone for me all the time.
How selfish is that?
Now I have no one, and it’s my fault. I don’t want to be a burden on other people. Most of my friends probably don’t notice. They don’t understand anyway.
Just cheer up.
Just get over it.
Things will be fine.
You’ll feel better tomorrow.
But will I? Will I really? Because this is what I’ve been hoping for as long as I can remember, and it hasn’t happened yet.
Why doesn’t anything help?
P.S. Sorry for posting so much today. I feel alone and I have too much to say. But still say nothing in all these words.