This is not good. Ellie is having bad and unproductive thoughts today 😦

1. I am rubbish at everything so there’s no point in trying.

2. I am fat. Fat and ugly. Yuck.

3. I have lots of work to do, but I’m too stupid to do any of it.

4. I want to eat lots of chocolate and nice things, but that will make 2 worse!

5. I won’t be good enough to go to Germany in August.

6. I am a failure.

7. I can’t seem to do anything right/get anything finished… I STILL haven’t finished that important post, AND I haven’t finished my Brilliant Blog Award post (because I can’t think of 7 things I believe in)


I don’t know why I can’t seem to stop these thoughts coming into my head. They are not helpful at all, and they are making me feel like retreating to a dark room and a duvet.

But there’s no time to hide… I have an essay and a directed review to do for Psychology and I have to prepare for my German translation test on Monday, and there’s just so much to do…

I went to the gym today. It was good because it woke me up, and it was nice to spend time with Owl.  But I’m finding myself comparing myself to other people (including Owl) and they are just so much thinner and better looking than me… 😦

But in other news, Ellie is doing an experiment on herself.

This experiment involves running for a JCR position!*

That will involve getting out of my comfort zone:

1. Campaigning – I have to make posters, flyers etc.

2. Talking to people – I am going to go round to lots of the houses on campus to ask them to vote for me!

3. Doing a speech in front of people!!!! – This is the majorly scary thing. I don’t do public speaking, I’m awful at it.

4. I might not win (there are 2 other people going for the same position) which would mean dealing with FAILURE!

Whilst this is a pretty radical thing to do, I would really like to be on the JCR (just not the path to get there!) so I’m going to give it my best shot.

The timing really isn’t ideal. But time doesn’t wait for anyone, including Ellie, so “The show must go on!”

Wish me luck!!!

*The JCR is a group of students who help run the college, and includes roles such as President, Wellfare officer, Communications officer and social secretaries.


14 thoughts on “Gahhhhhhhh

  1. stuff I said says:

    I liked and unliked and then liked I am having a fickle moment for sure! Yay for you for running for JCR, I am cheering you own! As for the rubbish thoughts…I am banishing them…no, no, no! 😀 I am not making light of what you are thinking or feeling I am just trying to give you smile. 😉 I have days like that as well and I just try to counter each negative thought with a positive one. Does it always work? No, but it does help. xx

  2. WeeGee says:

    Oi Ellie – you ignore those thoughts because that’s just your brain playing tricks on you. Go you for applying for a JCR position – good luck (ps – you’ll be fantastic at it, you know that right?) xoxoxoxo

  3. sonamsangmu says:

    Sorry you’re having such a rotten day. Red had a good idea countering the negative with a positive. Try that and you might feel a bit better. Our Inner Critic never tells the truth so remind yourself of that!

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