Warning: This post may not/does not make sense. I’d be surprised if anyone can follow my crazy train of thought here…you’ve been warned! (I’m strange.)

Up and down like a yoyo. That’s how I feel at the moment!

2 weeks ago I took myself to the doctors for an emergency appointment because I was feeling incredibly low and I was scared of what I might do.

1 week ago, I saw a doctor who changed my medication. I was still feeling very low.

Today I am feeling good great… I feel like I can do this (life), and not only can I do this, I can do it well! I feel like I can take on anything, and my mind is full of ambitious ideas. I am trying to stop myself, because I know if I take on too much I’ll get stressed/down again…but I just have so many ideas right now!!

I’ve been to the gym today (AND yesterday,) which is a long way from the last few weeks when I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything, let alone self-inflicted physical exercise!

It’s such a big change, and I feel so good. I don’t want the down to come, it probably will, but I’m hoping (fingers crossed) that the good mood is here to stay, and I’m miraculously getting better!!

I’ve also decided to start a journal-type-thing. I have a pretty notebook that I’ve never written in (because it’s pretty so I didn’t want to ruin it,) but I came to the conclusion that it’s a notebook – it’s meant to be written in! It’s just somewhere to write stuff down…things I think of, ideas, things I have to do. I often think of stuff and then end up forgetting if I don’t write it down, especially writing ideas (for poems, blog posts – whatever) I think I shall call it my Book of Stuff!!

Pretty notebook

pretty notebook

This notebook was a present from one of my best friends (at the time.) Sadly, I never hear from her these days – I did try to keep in contact, she just doesn’t reply anymore. Apparently we (my friends and I) aren’t important enough parts of her life to care about these days!ย But anyway, it’s really pretty, and you can’t really see but it has a flap which has a magnet in to open/close it (see pic on right) and it looks more shiny in real life!ย I have an absurd number of notebooks! Maybe that’s an idea for a post! *Writes in “The book of Stuff”*

So in other news, I’m starting to plan my year abroad. I have to decide if I want to study, work or be a language assistant in a school. At the moment I’m leaning towards being a language assistant, because I don’t think I’d be able to get a job in the field I want (working with people with mental illness) and I definitely do not want to study fulltime out there (I’ve spent my entire life studying – time for a year off!) Also, the money will be nice (from a job or being a language assistant.)

I’m going to try and find out whether it would be possible to do some volunteering while I’m there, as it would be good experience for my CV (when I finally apply to do a clinical psychology doctorate) and also I just like helping people, and it’s always nice meeting new people (especially German ones, then I get to practice my atrocious German on them!) I hope it will be possible. It’s really hard to do in England though, so not sure how easy/hard it would be in Germany…(Juliet, any idea about this??)

Busy busy busy. I’m feeling quite hyper right now! It’s strange because I’ve been really tired I’m always really tired. I still feel tired, but hyper at the same time (if that’s even possible!) I think it’s true that doing exercise gives you more energy… strange how that works!

Anyway, time for tea I think! (Wow, I’m becoming Northern – that’s dinner to everyone else!) And then going to German Society to watch a German film (aren’t I cultured?! ;))

Ooo Ooo I forgot, something else to say! It was so lovely!! Last night I went to a halloween party (as a cat) and one of my freshers* was there, and we were talking about something, and somehow got onto the topic of being cute, and then he said “you’re just one of those people that people can’t not like.” It was the nicest thing ever!! Especially considering I often worry that people don’t like me (paranoia is a bitch) and/or that everyone hates me.

Anyway, dinner! Hope everyone’s in a good mood too!!

*One of the freshers who I looked after in freshers week

14 thoughts on “Yoyo

  1. aallegoric says:

    I have tons of notebooks and never use them because I don’t want to “waste” them either ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Hm..about the German thing… there is this thing called “Sprachtandem” where you meet up with a partner that’s learning your native language and um.. I’ve never done that. But you basically just talk with each other and you keep correcting the other one (I think); like you talk English for 30 minutes and then switch to German. There are many people around that are looking for such a language buddy (especially for native speakers of English) but I think it’d be easiest for you to find such a person at university. However, I can understand that you don’t want to enroll over here. Depending on your language fluency, it won’t be a big problem to volunteer I guess. (Well, that also depends on where you want to volunteer… but I guess there are enough options…) xx

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Thanks for the info! I think I probably will enroll in a university/local college to do a part time course, like a german course or something as a chance to meet more people (and improve my german) but I don’t want to do it full time ๐Ÿ™‚ And hopefully I will improve my German a lot before I get to Germany, and continue improving once I get there! I would like to do something in the field of mental health, like maybe in a hospital or day centre, or just anything with people! I’m not sure how things work in Germany though, so I’ll have to do some research! xx

      • aallegoric says:

        Oh I love that movie! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m not really into movies but I love Julia Jentsch (Jule in the movie); she is great.
        I don’t have much advice; I’m sorry… there are plenty of Germans that volunteer – but I’m not one of them, lol. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. WeeGee says:

    Lovely little post you lovely thing you. I’m an old pro when it comes to being mental and stuff and here is my advice to you (little pup that you are) Enjoy the up days as much as you can. And learn the lessons you need to when things are good. You’ll be fine in the end, I promise xxxx

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