Day 5 — Your dreams
I’m not sure if it means dreams as in while you’re asleep or dreams as in things you want to do in life, so I’ll do both.
Why are you so weird? Why do you scare me, make me happy, make me sad? Why are you there? Why do I sometimes remember you and sometimes not? Why do you haunt me with memories of my past?
I don’t understand how you work. Sometimes you’re based on memories, I can understand that – you come from things that have happened, but what about the strange ones? Where do you come from? When you’re in places I’ve never been in real life, and then it turns out the real place is just like you showed me? And that time when I was younger, how did you predict the future? How did you know just what that poet was going to say? Why did you show me that? I can’t remember it now, I don’t think it was anything super amazing or special, but I knew what he was going to say, because you showed me it about a week before.
I’m going to sleep now, please be good tonight. Don’t haunt me, don’t scare me, don’t make me cry. Be nice, I’ll like you much better that way.
Love Ellie xx
I hope you come true. There’s so much I want to do, so much I want to achieve – well you know that! I have high expectations of myself, you know that too. I know there’s a lot of you, and some of you are very serious, some a bit silly, and some very unlikely, but I hope I meet you all – when (if) you come true.
Above all else, my dream is to make a difference. It doesn’t have to be a big difference in the scheme of things, but I want to change people’s lives (for the better), I want to help people, care for them, I want to be that person who makes everything okay – because there isn’t a person like that in my life. (Well, boyfriend is pretty good at making things okay, but even he can’t fix everything.)
I’m scared I’ll never meet you dreams, that you’ll never become a reality. Then what? I’ve failed. I can’t deal with that. I need to achieve everything, I need to make a difference, I can’t fail. You’re the part of life that makes things worth it – because if you come true then I’ll be “fixed”, I’ll be happy, I’ll be helping people, I’ll be looking after elephants, getting married and having my own family, I’ll be travelling round the world, I’ll be writing, I’ll be a psychologist and fluent in German, I’ll be everything I want to be. So as long as there’s a chance that you’ll come true, I’m going to keep going, keep trying, keep working, keep hoping.
Please dreams, work with me here, I just want to meet you.
Love Ellie xx