So tomorrow (well technically it’s today now!) is the first day of my second year of university. I am sad to say that I have to be in at 9am!! :O This means waking up at 7:15 so I can be ready to leave at 8:15 (just in case buses are packed!)
The what ifs are starting already… What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t keep up? What if I don’t do well? What if I don’t know anyone in my lab class/seminar groups? What if…
I’m fairly sure I’ve taken too much on (again.) At the moment I feel like doing nothing. I stayed in bed until 4:30pm today…
I just want to die at the moment.* I feel like I’ve fallen even further and somehow I’m in this downwards spiral that I can’t climb out of. What am I going to do?
I wanted this year to be so different, a brand new start – turn over a new leaf. I can’t see it changing though. Not now anyway.
I wanted it to be fun. I wanted to do EVERYTHING. I’ve joined a few societies, I was a freshers rep, I’m going to join the gym, I’m on the exec for a society, I was thinking of going for JCR, I wanted a job, and to do volunteering, and to help with cubs…
It’s all too much, it’s just when I feel good I feel like I can do EVERYTHING, and when I feel bad I feel like I can do NOTHING, so really it’s a lose-lose situation. 😦
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, but I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to carry on catching up with reading blogs (I’m getting behind again – sorry!) and do some writing (haven’t been doing much of that either – sorry!) I want to write a post of my “new year’s resolutions” – as in new academic year of course!
I just want to be okay. I could deal with that. Happy would be great but maybe asking too much – okay would be a compromise…How about that?
I’m still waiting to hear back from the mental health team up in Lancashire as stupid Doctor Orr gave them my wrong address so I didn’t reply about the appointment, and thus got discharged. Hopefully the waiting list won’t be too long…
Now it’s 12:30am, and I guess I’d better try and get some sleep. Unbelievably, despite only getting up at 4:30pm, I am still tired. Yuck!
*I’m not going to do anything, so no one worry!