I don’t have any motivation at the moment.

I knew the next low would come soon, but when I first got back to Lancaster I actually felt better than I had in a while… And suddenly, the depression is back.

I am so so tired, although that definitely has something to do with freshers week. Being a frep was a bad idea, I took on too much (again.) My moods are too unpredictable for this, and at the moment I’m going through an achy phase where I don’t even feel like getting up (but I do) and I’m in constant pain pretty much.

I don’t have the motivation (or the time really) to write anything of interest at the moment. The 30 day challenges are on hold. I have a lot of blogs to catch up with, and I will – when I have time.

It’s only Tuesday and freshers week continues until Sunday. It’s not a week, it’s 9 days! Then uni starts properly on Monday. I’m not ready, not like this. I wanted this year to be so different, but it seems like it might well be the same.

Just got to keep going, keep surviving, and then eventually hopefully I’ll get to actually LIVE.

I’m knackered, I want to sleep, but I’m waiting for a repair man to fix some drawers in my room so I can’t. He said between 10 and 11, so here I am awake and sitting downstairs. It’s 10:43 now, I hope he comes soon. I want to go back to sleep.

Hope everyone else is doing better!!

This is just a quick update and some thoughts from my swirling mind, I want to come back soon – properly. My page views are very low since I’ve not been writing much, not that it really matters I suppose. Anyway, I am off to do nothing, because that’s what I do best at the moment!


9 thoughts on “Motivationless

  1. aallegoric says:

    Feeling with you. (Try to) take your time to do whatever you can do at the moment. I hope the guy has been there meanwhile… it can be so annoying…
    Hopefully your pain eases off soon and you’ll feel better. xoxo

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Thanks Juliet 🙂 I have been so achy recently, it’s horrible! And he has been there for me as much as he can.. he’s the other end of the country and I’ve been reallly busy so it’s been difficult to stay in contact, but we’re managing 🙂 xx

  2. bpdajourney says:

    This year can still be so different, don’t let the first week cloud your judgement for the rest of the year. I know what you mean about taking too much on but it being a bad idea because of unpredictable moods, I often plan too many things, sign up for too many things, say I’ll do stuff etc, but because I can’t determin what my mood is going to be like at any given point, I often end up cancelling plans, which causes my friends a lot of frustration. I think with people like us, it’s sometimes better to not plan and just kind of live day-by-day, obviously somethings have to be planned, but where appropriate, I find it easier not to plan. People don’t understand that sometimes I just can’t go out, they think i’m just down or a bit sad or whatever, then they get mad, so I don’t plan. Hopefully when things get back to ‘normal’ and you’ve had rest etc, your mood may pick up. I hope so anyway! Don’t let this bout of low mood make you think any less of what you can achieve this year. THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE A GOOD YEAR!!! Keep saying that to yourself!! Sorry this is a long comment! Love, Sam

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Hi Sam, thanks so much for your comment. It’s nice (well not nice, more comforting) to know that other people feel the same way (although I obviously wish no one did!) I hope this year will go well, it’s just frustrating not being able to plan much ahead, because when I feel ok/good I want to do all this stuff and that’s when I end up taking on too much, it’s only when I feel low that I can’t handle everything! xx

  3. aimeecatherine says:

    I know the city well and travel there often and will suggest a gorgeous quiet of the beaten path coffee tea room place if you need it. Is there a single thing you can hold tight to xxxx

  4. Hellosailor says:

    I’ve been feeling constantly exhausted too. I think we do too much when we feel OK, and then we crash. I’m working on solving this, but there just to be so many things to do in the short space of time of when you are feeling OK, because when you are depressed and tired things pile up! xox

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