Paranoia

Paranoia* seems to follow me around.

Everything that happens I’m paranoid something will go wrong.

People make me paranoid too – do they hate me? Are they talking about me behind my back?

Are my friends really my friends? Will they keep my secrets?

People are laughing…they must be laughing at me…Are they laughing at me? Are they embarrassed to be seen with me?

Are they going to let me down? Do they care?

Does my boyfriend love me? Or is he only with me because he feels sorry for me? Is he going to leave me?

GO AWAY YOU NASTY PARANOID THOUGHTS! YOU ARE NOT WANTED OR NEEDED HERE!!!

I often think that people talk about me, laugh at me and generally dislike me. I have no evidence for this, it’s all purely based on paranoid twisted thoughts in my mind.

The worst thing is, even though I know that I’m paranoid about these things, I still think at least some of these paranoid thoughts are true…

*This is a strange looking word. I keep looking at it and think I’ve spelled it wrong, but I haven’t (I don’t think – no red wiggly line!) it just has a lot of vowels in.

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12 thoughts on “Paranoia

      • manicjenn says:

        Nah, its actually really nice to read my own thoughts coming out of another person. I think we all feel a bit alone, which is what draws us together here. I forwarded your post to my husband and told him that THIS is what swirls around in my mind some days with no provocation.

        He said, “Seriously? You think all of this stuff?” I said that yes, I can relate to every word.

        As much as it sucks, it is comforting to know that I am not as alone as I feel most days!

        Thank you for verbalizing all of this~ And I am sorry that it is all in your head, too (pun intended!).

        Jenn

  1. Bourbon says:

    Yes I know exactly what you mean there. At least for me it has got better since the days of truly believing my thoughts were being published in a cartoon style bubble above my head :/ I’m sorry the paranoia follows you around. It often does the nicest of people xx

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