I just want to be normal, I want to sort myself out. Why can’t I snap out of this? I am fine.
Stop pretending you need help. Stop trying to make people feel sorry for you. You don’t deserve their pity, their love or comfort, there’s a reason you feel like you do – you are weak.
I’m trying. I’m trying to be ok. I want to be ok. I try to keep a mask on but it’s getting worn out. People are starting to see through it, and I can’t hide anymore. It’s too much, it’s all just too difficult. I’m too tired.
Don’t be so lazy. You are always complaining when other people have it so much worse than you. Just get over it. It’s not hard to function in your boring everyday life is it? It’s not like you have anything special or difficult to do… Your life is just like you, unremarkable. You need to pull yourself together or it will always be like that, you’ll be a nobody, a laughingstock like always. Just like you deserve.
WHY do you haunt me like this? If you would leave my mind maybe I would be okay. Maybe I wouldn’t feel like this about myself and my life. You always put me down. You always make me feel sad, lonely, useless. You give me horrible flashbacks and keep painful memories close by just to crush my spirits. Why do you do this to me? We are supposed to work together, not be enemies.
I just give you what you deserve. You are worthless, you are useless and you’ll never make anything of yourself. People will always look down on you and they will never treat you as equals. Do you know why? Because you are lower than them – you are not their equal. The memories I show you are to remind you what you are. It was your fault these things happened, you should’ve been stronger. You should’ve stopped things going wrong yourself.
All I want in the whole world is to be happy. Can you just give me a break? I try my best, why is it never ever good enough? Everything is measured based on my academics, that’s not all life is. Why can’t I just be myself, why do I constantly have to strive to be better? To strive to a perfection which probably doesn’t exist?
You are not good enough. You never will be. Academic success is all you’ve ever had, you can’t let it go now.. then you really would be a failure. Just like everyone expects. Why do you think people treat you like they do? It’s because you are a failure, a weak pathetic failure.
Make it stop. Please make it stop.