Letter Writing Challenge – 29

Day 29 β€” The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

I used a random number generator and it picked 29. It seems strange to start a 30 day writing challenge with number 29, but never mind. Here goes, my letter to the person I want to tell everything to, but I’m too afraid to.

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Dear Sheep,

I haven’t known you all that long, but we click. We are so similar in many ways, and I consider you to be one of my best friends. I’m so glad we met, and you are such a great friend, but you don’t know everything (about me). I don’t think you ever will.

I’ve told you a little bit about my depression and anxiety. Just a little, just before you left to go to Germany. I thought you knew, I thought it was obvious, but I guess I must be a better actor than I thought.

You know I’ve “got depression”, but you don’t know why. Not many people do to be fair, but it’s strange that considering how close we are, you don’t know these things.

You know that me and ex had a bad break up, but you don’t know everything. You don’t know how bad things were with me and him. You don’t know that he controlled everything I did for near enough 3 years, you don’t know that he had a hell of a temper. You don’t know that he hurt me more than anyone can ever know (emotionally), and you don’t even know that he hurt me sometimes (physically.)

Then there’s the big secret. You don’t know. Not many people do. Boyfriend knows, so do Kittens and Monkey. And footballer. But that’s about it. Artist doesn’t know either. I’ve known her since year 4, and she doesn’t even know. Monkey and footballer only know because I ended up telling them when I was drunk – not so great at acting then.

So shall I tell you in this letter? I still haven’t decided even now as I’m writing this. It’s a delicate issue, and it is one of the main causes of my depression I think.

I can’t do it. I can’t type it. I can’t tell you, or anyone. I’m sorry. I am not coping very well.

I really miss you Sheep, now that you’re in Germany. I miss being able to chat to you, and have our random strange half German – half English conversations. I can’t wait to come and visit you in Germany, and I’m so glad you’re enjoying it.

Maybe one day I’ll get the guts to tell you everything. I can’t see it happening to be honest, but maybe one day.

Lots of love,

Elephant xxx

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I can’t even write it. Not here anyway. Because if I write it in this letter, then my WP readers can read it. And they will judge me. And they will leave.


19 thoughts on “Letter Writing Challenge – 29

      • aallegoric says:

        As already said… do whatever you like. Don’t stress yourself about it. Take your time (if you want to write about it eventually)…. no matter what you do, it’s your blog and you must feel comfortable about what you’re doing.. xx

  1. overthinkingmind says:

    Lovely post and so so touching. It’s horrific that your boyfriend did these things to you, I too was in an abusive relationship, it was on and off for five years but even when we weren’t together he still seemed to control me. I gave up so many amazing things for him and only my current boyfriend was able to yank me out of being controlled by him. Don’t be ashamed that you don’t want to tell people- everyone has their sensitive issues that they don’t feel comfortable telling people. Beautiful post.
    Also, this may be a really stupid question but what is a WP reader? Sorry it that’s a really obvious question πŸ™‚
    Stay strong πŸ™‚

    • anxiouselephant says:

      Thank you πŸ™‚ I’m sorry you went through an abusive relationship too, and completely understand what you mean about being controlled even when you’re not together, it took me a while once we split up to get out of his controlling grip!
      I’m so glad that you managed to get out of it and found someone new, who I hope treats you much better! πŸ™‚
      It is difficult to talk about, but sometimes it helps. And it might help others know that they aren’t alone, or that their relationship is abusive so they need to get out. By WP reader I meant wordpress reader, I don’t know if anyone else ever shortens it to this, but I just did it without even noticing! Sorry for the confusion!!

      • overthinkingmind says:

        You’re very welcome πŸ˜€
        It always starts of so innocently and you don’t realize the progression, it’s great you are now out of his controlling ways, well done for being so strong πŸ˜€ Yeah, he’s much better, he knows what I went through and I think because of that is very aware how people need to be treated.
        You’re right, it is difficult to talk about it, I always think it makes me seem weak when in reality it can actually happen to anyone. It can also be difficult to recognize that your relationship is abusive.
        Oh okay, I didn’t know that’s all πŸ™‚ I’m sure no one would judge you and if they did it would just show how un-understanding and un-compassionate they are as a person πŸ™‚

  2. Bourbon says:

    The amount of things I have shared with fear of being judged only to realise the only person judging is myself. I think that is a lovely letter xx

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