It’s days like this when the depression really gets to me. It’s like a domino effect, one thing happens, which leads to certain thoughts, which lead to certain feelings, which lead to certain behaviours, and the cycle goes on…
I had to be up early this morning. I had a doctors appointment at 9:10 am, sadly, I woke up at 9:30 am (after snoozing the alarm WAY too many times), which (obviously) was far too late. This then got me thinking things like:
“I can’t even get a doctors appointment right”
“I’m so useless, I don’t deserve their time anyway”
“I’ve wasted their time so now they won’t want to help me”
“I never do anything right. I’m so stupid” etc.
All because I overslept.
After that I was convinced everything would go wrong today. I went back to bed after calling the doctors. I felt achy and tired. I couldn’t be bothered to put my happy face on.
From having a few sessions of CBT with a counsellor, I thought I would try to use some of those skills, however this backfired. Massively… My counsellor would tell me to find evidence to back up a point (meant to be used in a positive way), however this morning I was not feeling even slightly positive, and so used missing my appointment as evidence for me being a failure. Depression – 1, Elephant – 0.
But…I had to.
Today was an event which had been planned AGES AGO, something I was (perhaps embarrassingly) actually quite excited about – yes I know, excitement is quite rare for me!
I was going to the Harry Potter studio tour with one of my friends (we shall call her Sheep as that is her fav animal), and as a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go and see how the films were made. We had decided to make a day of it and go for shopping and lunch beforehand, so I couldn’t sleep in too late.
At 10.55am my alarm went off again. SNOOZE.
At 11am my alarm went off. SNOOZE
At 11.05am my alarm went off…and guess what, I got up. (Depression – 1, Elephant – 1)
I said to myself: “I am NOT going to let one mistake ruin this day.”
Sheep is going to live in Germany for a year next week, so I won’t see her much. I was determined now that I was going to have a good day, a lovely day with Sheep.
And guess what? I DID. Elephant – 2, Depression – 1
Just as a side note, if you’re ever in the vicinity of London, the Harry Potter Studio Tour in Watford is a MUST for HP fans. Here’s the website: http://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk
(It genuinely was fantastic, and it must be if I can say that when my emotions are usually pretty negative at the moment)
Here is a photo of Hogwarts which is used in the film 😀