Flat

Published December 13, 2013 by anxiouselephant

That’s how I’d describe how I feel right now: flat.

I hate this. Everytime I think it’s all going well, it always comes and gets me. But this time I’ve been feeling pretty good most of the time for a few months instead of a few days or weeks. I was starting to think that when I get back from Germany in May, I might be able to come off my antidepressants, I was thinking it’s all in the past.

But now I just feel this massive flat emptiness again and it’s horrible. It’s a mixture of feeling lonely, sad and like there’s no point in anything. It’s a time when I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to be with people. Massive contradiction I know.

I just feel exhausted. Completely and utterly unable to get out of this one. It’s only been a few days, I know it will pass. I’ve been lower before, and I got through it. But it’s always hard at the time.

And I don’t have a reason for this. I just feel blah. And I feel so hopelessly bored, even though I have many things that I should or could be doing. I just don’t have the drive to do any of it – lesson plans, starting my essays for uni, even writing my year abroad blog, I just can’t get the motivation to do any of it.

I’m hoping it’ll pass fairly soon, especially with Christmas coming up. I think it’s a bit to do with stress as well – I’ve only got a week until I go home, and after that it’ll be less than a week til Christmas, and I haven’t finished my Christmas shopping, and everyone is trying to make all these plans and there’s just never enough time. I want time to just be.

Well I had that today, I’ve spent the whole day here doing nothing useful… hours of watching TV (well online catch ups) But I was meant to have plans… I was meant to meet a friend earlier, and that fell through. And I was meant to be going out tonight with some of the girls, and that fell through too… That probably added to the feeling of blahness too. Although it’s probably a good thing I’m not going out, I’m knackered as it is and haven’t even done anything!

Time for an early-ish night and hope for a better tomorrow. I’m meeting up with a friend so that should be nice, I hope I’m feeling a bit better so I can actually enjoy it!

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5 comments on “Flat

  • I know this feeling well, and you’re right, it does pass, but it feels like a lifetime when you’re in that state.
    Honestly, a day of catching up on tv shows sounds pretty awesome, better than lesson plans and essay writing (I’m avoiding essay writing right now haha)
    Hope tomorrow is a better day :)

  • I hope you feel better with some good sleep. Sometimes a day of flat nothingness is necessary even though it does leave you feel a bit panicked and stressed because of everything you are NOT doing. I am sure you will be back on your feet again soon. xxx

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