I think this is what happy feels like.
It sneaks up on you, much like depression, and then BAM, you realise that you’ve actually got to the point that you genuinely feel happy. Not “not bad”, not “ok” but happy, actually happy.
Today not even the fact that Deutsche Bahn (German train company) are completely USELESS can bring me down today.
I was so worried about doing this year abroad, and it’s turned out to be the best thing I’ve ever done for me. I feel free here and I love it. I have a job but I like it and it’s not many hours. I am free to travel around Germany (and off to Copenhagen at the weekend) and I don’t feel stressed for the first time in I don’t know how long.
I know that I won’t always feel happy (that would be too good to be true), but that is ok. Because normal people have good days and bad days, so one bad day doesn’t mean it’s all going wrong again, just like one good day doesn’t mean everything is fixed. I am well aware of the many issues that are still under the surface, and the concoction of drugs I’m on that are helping me feel better. I know that it’s not over, I don’t know if “completely recovered” even exists, but I am doing so much better and I feel like me again.
This overly happy and cheerful post will undoubtedly be followed by a “oh wait things aren’t that great” post, but for now – I’m going to enjoy being happy, and being me (or continuing to find out who I am)