I don't really care anymore

I’ve realised that at the moment I have completely lost my motivation. Not only that, but I just don’t really care anymore. I can’t be bothered to carry on with things which, when I’m feeling “well”, are very important to me.

I didn’t go to a society thing tonight because I couldn’t be bothered.

I have an exam tomorrow, which I don’t know anything for, but I don’t really care (yet).

The worst thing is that I will care.

If I fail I will care.

When I don’t do very well I will care.

I feel like I’ve just completely lost the will to live.

I don’t really care about anything right now. Except people, but that’s different.

I feel like there’s no point in anything at the moment.

I don’t want to do anything because I think I’ll still feel rubbish.

I haven’t even unpacked yet.

I have spent this evening doing nothing. Procrastinating again. When I should be revising. I have an exam tomorrow. It counts towards my degree.

Why do I just feel nothing?

I don’t even feel sad today. Just completely nothing. Don’t want to do anything. Can’t concentrate. Have spent several hours today just blankly staring at a screen or into space, instead of doing revision.

In my lecture today I felt really anxious. Couldn’t stop shaking my legs. I wanted to get out. But I couldn’t so I didn’t. So I sat there and didn’t take much in. I focused on my breathing but that didn’t help much.

I just feel like nothing really matters.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

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